maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
