He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
