maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
