Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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