i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
