just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize