I wish my penis had an off switch
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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