i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
