planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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