Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
