Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
