how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
