Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex on a roof
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
