So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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