shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
