There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
