i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
