When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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