i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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