I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
