I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
