Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
