Im at strip club and am horny
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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