what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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