hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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