My Higher Power is John Stamos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
