The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just pee around me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
