Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
