Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm going to jail i love you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
