So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
