Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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