i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
