i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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