my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
