wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
