OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
