please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
