Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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