I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
