Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
