so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
