Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
