I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
