I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
