You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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