We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
