The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
