wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
