I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
