My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
